I am staring at the screen wishing the words would just flow out and form sentences into paragraphs, but I’ve got nothing. Maybe this is what they call writer’s block. I am not even sure if I am enough of a writer to experience writer’s block. It just feels like all the ideas and words have completely escaped me. Maybe it’s time to tap into courage. After all, this is what I often like to write and speak about.
I call out to courage but courage doesn’t seem to show up. How does one find courage when you don’t feel courageous?? Do I need to go knock on the courage door or can I make a direct call to courage?
It has been about six months since my last post. Six months of no creative ideas. Six months of no words. Six months of no writing. Why? Because courage could not show up for my writing flow. Courage needed to show up for my soul.
Life Can Change In An Instant
About six months ago, my day completely came to a halt. I had just dropped my daughters off at school and was making my way home to work on business goals. I drove my way down a familiar road that I have driven on so many times. Little did I know upon reaching the light my car would collide with another human being. A collision that would leave me rattled and unnerved in a way I have never felt before. A collision that would leave another human being injured and hurt.
I don’t know if there are words to describe how such a car accident impacts your soul and spirit. Hitting another car is one thing. Hitting another human being takes you to a space where you are faced with the fragility of the life of another human being. It is also the reminder of how life can change in a split second.
My body felt every emotion of that collision while being fully aware the other human being suffered injuries that would require a visit to the emergency room along with her own physical and emotional healing. Thankfully, her injuries were not life threatening but enough to cause pain. I had caused another human being pain and I had to take full accountability for that.
I was grateful for the kindness of my sister, the helpers and officers on the scene who in the midst of it all reminded me that accidents happen and I should give myself grace. The human being had injured her ankle, it would be repaired, and she would be okay. While I didn’t have physical injuries, my soul had taken a hit. I had to do the work of healing my soul. This is when courage showed up for me.
Courage, I Need You Now
Courage showed up to remind me I needed to forgive and heal my soul. Healing came through prayer, meditation, and walking. Prayer reminded me I could always find comfort in the arms of God no matter what I was going through. Meditation allowed me to go within and breathe to release the energy of the shock my body had experienced. Walking… boy, did I do a lot of walking! Walking allowed me to get grounded and connect with movement to let go of what no longer served me and make space for healing and forgiveness.
I was no longer tapping into the courage to write. I needed courage to heal my soul and bring me back to myself. So, writing took a back seat. A pause. Healing and forgiveness became my mantra. Prayer. Meditation. Walk. Repeat. Over and over again until I could feel my soul awakening.
I will also add how gratitude helped me on my journey. Gratitude reminded me the accident could have been much worse. I could open my eyes to a new day, legal proceedings that went much smoother and quicker than I could have imagined, and the support and love of my husband and friends every step of the way.
As the days and weeks progressed, I could feel my peace and calm return to my body and soul. Joy started to show up in the simplicity of the days and laughter filled my heart again. Although I was moving forward in my healing work, writing continued to take a back seat. I was not ready to focus on deadlines, postings and getting things done. I needed the space to just be.
It was no longer about grinding. It was about being present. Present in the moment and present in the day to day. I needed to take in the beauty of spring emerging on the flower bulbs bursting through the dirt. I needed to sit with my face towards the sky and feel the bask of the sun on my skin. And I needed to just be still with myself and my thoughts. I focused on speaking to my inner child with love and forgiveness so the snare of guilt would not eat away at my heart.
As the summer heat made its presence known, I felt a metamorphosis had taken place. My soul had awakened. My spirit was alive. And my heart was full again. I had come home to myself. They say “time heals all wounds”. I had taken the time to heal my soul and my soul was at peace.
Love & Courage,